Experience it for the very first time...again!

When you have teenagers you get to experience all kinds of things through their eyes for the very first time ---- again! I say again because some of these things we have been through in our teens, and to be totally honest, we have no interest in going back! They weren't fun then and they wouldn't be fun now!

Case in point...my son is going through a breakup with a girl he has dated for over a year. To be honest, it hasn't been a good relationship for about 6 months now. So many ups and downs! You remember, don't you? I sure do. Letting go for one of the parties is usually so difficult. Just when you think it's over and done, here it comes again. Having only one child - a boy - I don't always get to experience the "drama" of life that seems to come more often with girls...except in times like these.

I don't want to embarrass either one of these teens. To be honest my heart hurts for both of them. I remember those raw hurts. And in some ways it's hurting me again right now. This morning I remembered part of a Bible verse that says to give thanks in everything. Well, where do you find the thanks in this? But it didn't take long to find a "thanks." Thank you, Lord, that he's (they are) experiencing this now and not for the first time in a difficult marriage...at a time when they are in their safe, familiar environments with the love of parents and friends to surround them. Because the fact of life is that there are lots of hurts. When we can first experience these hurts in a safe place, maybe...just maybe, it helps us to toughen up gradually...to learn how to handle such raw emotions...to have time to heal...to have time to forgive. Maybe...

Where's the Excitement

I can't even believe they have kept this blog activated since I haven't posted in 2 months! Lately, I haven't felt the urge to post about the day-in and day-outness of my life! LOL

Lately I've been wondering - where's the excitement? Now don't get me wrong, we've had a GREAT summer going to the beach and K and I had a vacation just the two of us. (First time in 16 years!) It's been wonderful. But still - outside of my family - I'm wondering, personally, for me - where's the excitement?

I caught a glimmer of it the other day - in the beauty shop. (Can I get an 'Amen', ladies!) Time for my cut and color, and on this afternoon there were several school-aged children in there probably getting their "back-to-school" cuts. Boys getting their summer growth tamed, and girls...girls with long hair taking the plunge! It was so cute! In one chair, there was a little girl with sister and mom and dad along. Mom had a magazine in hand, and was showing the stylist what they wanted done. How much to cut, will it look good, how about the upkeep? Then in another chair, was a cute young lady with mom anxiously looking on as a new "do" takes shape. Both of those girls were absolutely adorable after the hair had fallen, and the new do had taken shape.

I thought about the difference between us - I was feeling old and ugly - they were feeling perky and cute. Their excitement was catching - it was the beginning of something new - new do, new school year, new possibilities. Don't we have that everyday - new sunrise, new day, new possibilities. I really did feel a little bit of the excitement return. Who knows what's ahead for each one of us? I'm planning to change my "can't" to a new "do!"

Ramblings

I must be in a slump. It's been almost a month since my last blog post. I do think about it occasionally, but never seem to feel like I have anything worth talking about! But thought I would try again today as we begin the month of June. So here are some ramblings from Susan.

On one hand, I can't believe how fast time is flying. On the other hand, I can't wait for school to finish this week. I am so longing for my child to have some down time. He has put in 9 months of HARD WORK. He's done well, but seems like studying is about all he has time for.

Maintaining relationships is DIFFICULT. Enough said.

Went to our Lutheran Church's state meeting this weekend. Came away from there excited, encouraged and inspired! I pray I/we don't lose the enthusiasm.

Concerned about loved-ones facing cancer diagnosis. Heart is breaking, yet again.

Excited about a new ministry I hope will open up. At the same time, need to tone down excitement in areas I have no authority in. Difficult to do. Lots of ideas in my mind lately. Need to get them on paper to see what is viable.

Feeling bad about mistakes at work. Where has my brain been lately? Who knows...

Feeling grateful for wonderful friends. Not too long ago, it felt like I didn't have time to devote to those friendships. Now...more time opening up, and I feel so blessed.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE "date night" with my hubby.

So there - you have various states of my mind. Not pretty, huh!

Weary

Do you ever wake up weary? I did today. It happens occasionally. I used to think it was hormonal...but most of my hormones waved bye-bye to me some time ago. So, don't know what my excuse is now. Went to bed at 10:30...not so late...and to sleep shortly after that. Maybe it's the rain that has been around all week. Yeah, that's it...I'm missing out on my daily dose of vitamin D!

Regardless of the reason, days like this I can hardly make a decision. I'm glad I had my clothes ready for this morning - I'd probably still be home trying to figure out what to wear. I'm even having a difficult time trying to decide whether I go get Mother's Day presents today or tomorrow. See...insufficient gray matter today! :)

One thing I didn't forget to do this morning was pray. Today is the National Day of Prayer. See who the Honorary Chair is this year. So no matter if you're weary, excited, bored or normal (whatever that is) take a moment today to pray...pray for our president, our nation, our leaders, our state, our families, our homes...everything. God hears our prayers...He answers our prayers...He wants our prayers.

"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." (1 Timothy 2:1-4)

Mind Boggling

So...I haven't blogged in over a month. Just seems like I haven't had anything worth blogging about lately. Not that I do now...I've just got my "chatty" back so this post is bound to be a bit random. For some reason today a lot is roaming around in my mind. If you haven't been over to the LPM blog lately, now is the time to check it out. Melissa is on a trip with Compassion and it is a heart stopper.

Tomorrow is my Marketplace Bible Study day, and I'm not exactly sure what to do. I have a lesson ready - in fact, I now have 2 lessons. We'll just have to see where the Lord leads. So many times I feel so inadequate to lead Bible study. But I LOVE it. I just want God's message out there - not mine. I also feel like sometimes I turn people off. And really don't want to hurt feelings in the process of taking the Word of God to the People of God.

This leads to my Thursday night Bible study I worked on this afternoon - Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed. We're on the first 2 weeks, and I just finished the first week of homework. Priscilla hit me over the head with this first week. She talked about how God chooses us and equips us for the good works He has prepared for us to do. That we can't do it in our power, but God can do it through us. However, what spoke to me was the fact that programs don't matter, but people do, and her final story of a missed opportunity to share the Gospel.

All this was on my mind as I walked today. How do I reach out to the poor? What should Bible study focus on tomorrow? How am I reaching out to those right here in my backyard? Do I realize that people matter more than programs to God? Hence the mind-boggling state I find myself. Over time, it'll be sorted out. But for now, a lot of questions.

40th year, 11th month, 1st day...

This morning in my quiet time, I began reading the book of Deuteronomy. I am really looking forward to reading this book - again - from a new perspective. At this point in history, the Israelites are standing at the edge of the Promised Land (for the second time). I want to see what Moses tells them so they will get it right - this time. Have you not had a "this time" in your life? A chance to do it again, only right this time.

It only took three verses to catch my attention. In verse 2 of Deuteronomy 1 it says, "(It takes eleven days to go from Horeb to Kadesh Barnea by the Mount Seir road.)" Then verse 3 hit me right between the eyes - "In the fortieth year, on the first day of the eleventh month..." The journey that should have taken 11 days, took 40 years! How often have we done that? A job God gives us should take days, and we have managed to stretch it into years. Now some of our jobs are meant to last for years - spouse, parent; but there are some things God is ready for us to move on, and we are afraid. Fear and unbelief tripped up the Israelites, and it trips us up, too. How often do we tell ourselves, surely He doesn't mean me? I don't have the qualifications...I don't know how...I don't have time...I don't have_ _ _ you name it.

So the Israelites didn't get to see the Promised Land - only Caleb & Joshua. The rest? Dropped in the wilderness - the very thing they complained about (how many times) happened to them. And here their children are - ready to take possession - in the 40th year, the 11th month, the 1st day. And Moses wants them to get it right, this time. And so do I, this time. I believe God will speak volumes through the pages of Deuteronomy. Lord, give me ears to hear and a heart to follow.

Auto-Pilot

Are there times you feel like you are on "Auto-Pilot?" You know...times you're just going through the motions. You're doing what needs to be done, but there's no enthusiasm...to the point you wonder what has happened. Lately I seem to feel that way. I have experienced failure at a goal I was working towards lately. In the midst of that it hit me that I'd experienced failure at something much more important - church. Thing is, I'm not even sure when it started happening - it could have been years ago. Or the many ways that it's happening. I love my Bible study and Sunday school classes, but other than that, I seem to be adrift. Oh, we still come to church on Sundays, but I'm not making any effort to come to the mid-week Lenten services or participate in our strategic planning process - which the pastor has asked me about. No matter what the excuse, truth is, I feel stale; I feel like my input doesn't matter.

Don't be confused, I haven't given up on God. I still have my quiet time; still enjoy preparing for Bible study; still love my worship & praise music; still hear God speak to me through His Word. In fact, this morning He spoke to me through Ezra 3. The first thing the people did when they returned from Babylon to begin the rebuilding process in Jerusalem was rebuild the altar and begin regular sacrifices. (Note to self - sacrifices need to be made.) Then they began the process of rebuilding the temple. When the foundation was laid, the people praised the Lord. But the older people who remembered the beauty of the former temple wept aloud. Close your eyes and picture/hear this - there was a worship service with music and song. There were shouts for joy for the progress they had made and at the same time weeping for what used to be. Verse 13 says, "No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away." (Note to self - you can feel joy and sorrow at the same time - and others may not be able to tell the difference because of the noise!)

At least God has begun the process of working on my heart. I'm aware of the dullness now. And I know God won't leave me this way.